*claw**scratch**growl*

i want to ban negative people from my life.

** ** ** **

Yesterday,

my boyfriend & his mom wanted to

take me out to dinner to celebrate my

passing all 3 teacher-certification tests,

thus, being well on my way to having my

own classroom [if by some miracle i'm offered

a job despite this goshdarn 'hiring freeze'].

** ** ** **

right before i left to go out,

some words were exchanged,

& my dad

called me ungrateful.

*

Brake.

*

Hold up.

*

Huh??
*

i mean he's called me everything under the sun,

but ungrateful? really?

i mean, i know my dad's messed up,

like, problems galore, but...

...why doesn't he look in the mirror &

spout negativity instead of projecting this miserable false

sense of reality on everybody else - namely

the three most important people in his life:

his [soon-to-be-ex] wife,

his daughter,

& his other daughter?

Dad,

For the record, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that you've worked all these years so that we could have a nice house, and by 'house' I mean a space with four walls and a solid foundation with running water and heat. I --in no way shape or form-- mean a home. Although it has been a home to me and my mother and sister and pets, you have barely contributed to the loving feelings this house has given me, especially over the past few years.

I'm grateful. I'm grateful that you've worked all these years so that we could have nice food on the table, and by 'food', I mean raw steaks, whole potatoes, and crispy hard vegetables [because without mom, they'd have never gotten cooked]. I --in no way shape or form-- mean loving family dinners. Although we've had loving family dinners, you have barely contributed to the dinners feeling comfortable and happy, especially over the past few years.

I am grateful, and I appreciate all you've contributed, but it's hard to express when the good you do is so few and far between. It's hard to express when you're making family uneasy at Thanksgiving dinners, or mercilessly teasing our younger cousin who's already having a hard enough time with life as it is, or yelling at my ten-year-old friends causing them never to want to come back, or time after time instigating & prodding & nagging & making mountains out of mole-hills & raising the stress level of this house to astronomical levels, causing it to almost self-destruct, or for your role in making mom sick, or...

You have no idea what an ungrateful daughter's like, because even though all the above is true, I do know you love us, and in turn, I love you. I, however, am thankful that I can be free of your tormenting, anti-social ways *one day* and never have to subject myself to stuff like that again.

I am thankful that you've made me an expert on manipulative, weak men whose ego and pride and sense of entitlement should grant them exile to the deepest darkest dungeon, never to be seen by the human race again.

I can pick these men out from a crowd of thousands, and I will smile, nod my head, and never give them a single second more of my time.

I must ban negative people from my life. We all must.

** ** ** **

** ** **

Thank you for reading, for allowing me into your psyche. Your eyes scanning my words mean more than you'll ever know to me. I'm so grateful.