a letter on this Tuesday

my neena,

it's been a whole month without you already.

i miss you as much as i did the day we lost you.

i hope you are in heaven with Teddy,

and you understand how much i love the both of you.

i'm sure you are told *our*story* whenever you

need to hear it. i remind myself of it often.

the *babies* are doing fine, as you probably already noticed.

they are so different than you were, but i am

so grateful to be blessed with them, for they make

me think of you fondly, and make the loss of you,

my first baby girl,

less harsh on my heart.

i wish you warm sunny days,

lazy naps on grassy green fields,

and

liver and whole milk for breakfast

up in heaven.

***

thank you for loving me.

thank you for teaching me how to care for someone unconditionally.

thank you for giving me responsibility.

thank you for the laughs.

thank you for being the first thing in sight every morning of high school.

thank you for being my cat.

***

one day, i'll be able to hold you again.

***

i miss you

and

love you

always.

***

love,

your mommy

outfit for *kindergarten*

it's been grey.

gloomy.

rainy.

sad. cold.

last week was the week after she left us,

after we had to put her to sleep.

***

it's amazing, though, the signs God lets you

see on those grey, dull, ordinary nothing mornings

to let you know she's okay:

i miss her so much. last week i cried every day.
cats are everywhere around this school i've been subbing in.
weird coincidence?
i lost my cat of 18 years,
subbed in the kindergarten from hell [they were cute, though],
caught a cold that ruined my W-Th-F...
...let me tell you,
a happy-print dress was in order.
***
this is outside the school,
on my lunch break.
this was first sun i saw all week.
i wrote her a letter.

***

i feel much better this week, physically and emotionally.

hopefully that all doesn't go to shit after i waitress 'til late tonight, sub early tomorrow morn, waitress 'til late tomorrow night, sub early Wednesday morn, and waitress 'til late Wednesday night...

...i might have to give that fuckin' restaurant my two weeks notice, before i burnout.

oh yeah, and bullshit research-writing-thesis paper homework due Thurs.

don't know when i'll get to it.

somebody help me.

*cat*heaven*

[alejandro with the book]

Cat Heaven

*

the story behind it goes as follows:

i stumbled upon this book in the picture book section

of a public library i was visiting last year,

and

always had it in my mind because of how old

my cat, Dinah, was.

I sat on the floor, legs crossed,

turning the pages,

tearing, imagining reading this at a time when

i knew i'd no longer be able to squeeze her,

hold her,

hug her,

smooch her,

and it made me really sad.

*

that was about a year ago.

*

...and this is now.

now she is gone.

it happened one week ago, today,

and

thinking of it

still makes me sad as ever.

*

i miss her so much.

*

i bought this book this week, and

i open it when i need to let go of some of the pent-up emotions.

***

here's

some pages from it:

***
***
***
this page gets me every time:

{{tear, tear}}

***

to imagine her like this,

sitting on a cloud...

***

i recommend it to anyone who's lost the cat-love of their life.

it's a good gift along with a sympathy card to anyone you know who's lost the cat-love of their life.

there's also a Dog Heaven book, but i never read that one.

*******************

thinking of my Dinah

on this *saturday*...

the one thing to paint is the one thing on your mind

yesterday night

sister & i painted pumpkins.

*

there was only one thing i wanted to paint:

me & all *three* of *my*babies*

*

i'm really so proud of it.

*

*

you have Alejandro,

my little *mama's boy*::

***

crazy Carmen,

and her *infamous*goofball*face*::

***

...and finally,

by beloved *neena*girl*, my Dinah,

who i lost last weekend::

[i think i might want to paint a halo over her head.

what do you think??]

*

sorry that i've been m.i.a. from my blog,

but yesterday was the first day since saturday,

when we lost her,

that i didn't cry.

*

i've been taking it really slow, and really hard.

*

thank you for your patience with me, common passer-byers of my blog.

*

check out the *before* sketch::

i got the idea from this image that i googled.

***

[the faces, however, were all customized by me]
***

***

***

***

more

that

made up

my

yesterday

was:

a snoozing-snoozing Carmen,

that i took a cue from

in the form of two naps over an hour long.

[my cold's been demanding this of me]

{{cough,cough, sniff}}
***

***

oh, and because we both had off,

and

i was not feeling to hot,

the boyf made me soup [we call it 'zoop']

plenty of veggies,
the boyf loves a good zoop

don't forget the nooooooooodles

***

zoop&tea // tea&zoop

these have been my drugs of choice during my time of achy body-achy spirit.

***

thanks for reading.

Friday.

a slight change of tune

my last two posts

were

"scheduled" posts,

but what this

past weekend brought with it

was hardly singing the

same light-hearted

tune.

***

we put my cat,

my first-ever baby girl,

my neena, Dinah,

to sleep Saturday night.

unexpectedly.

***

it's been really hard for me to take,

and

i miss her so much.

***

more on this to come,

but

as of now,

on this

rainy,

dreary,

New York Monday

I've got *my*girl* trotting in the Spring sun on my mind:

i miss you so much.

we need to tawk...

...about my fear that by *going*away* to *south*fla* for a few days, the babies will forget that i'm their mommy and when i come back, they'll treat me like a stranger

the thought really freaks me out.

*

they've been so cute, lately,

--as in the picture above--

and

i don't want to disturb their

state of comfort and bliss in the house.

*

little

Carmen Sandiego

below:

her little *pink* bunny nose is the best!

*

below,

Alejandro

is licking

his sister:

[remember this post?]

*

here,

he's grabbed hold of her head:

*

soooo...

notice from these pictures that

they've been hanging a lot

by the

front window:

above, Carmen.

below, Alejandro.

the reason for this new *window*hang*out*

is because my mother bought

them a new *scratch*pad*

and it's location is...haa haa!...by the window.

*

now,

let me tell you about this *scratch*pad*...

*

my mother casually

said to me somewhere at the

end of July/beginning of August,

"Oh, Amanda...I bought the kittens a scratch pad online."
*

*

*

oh, okay.

I thought nothing of it.

i figured

she bought them a nice, little scratch pad

to put in the corner of the room so

they won't scratch the furniture anymore.

okay.

cool.

*

*

*

the next thing she mentions about it is:

"Oh, it's six-feet tall."

*

*

*

six-feet tall??!!

*

*

*

i couldn't fathom where we would put it!

*

holy crap. six-feet!

*

that's when she slipped in the

last

part

about

it:

"...they had it in beige, but

i got the leopard print..."

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

oh, Helene...you are too much.
above, little ham Carmen, always aware of her camera
below, Alejandro over the edge
*
they really love their new tree house,
and
they love being able to look out the window:
*
they are the two cutest partners in crime:
i don't know what
i'm going to do away
from them for four whole days.
*
i tell myself, like a real parent,
i need to take care of me to
best take care of my babies.
*
that gets me through time away from them,
but
four whole days away from them
has never happened yet.
*
a night here and there, yes,
but
four. whole. days???!!!
*
i'm scared.
*
i don't want them to forget me,
or
be mad at me.
*
they've grown reallllllllly attached to me.
*
no, like, really.
*
it's even gone so far as
they watch me while I take a shower
and wait for me outside the shower door:
they just turned 4-months old,
and
i want them to stay my babies.
*
while both of them are attached to me,
my little boy, Alejandro,
is a total *mama's*boy*
*
i'm most worried about him
because he follows me around,
and sits on my lap while i'm at the computer,
and tries to "catch" the cursor on the screen.
he doesn't like anyone but me to hug up on him.
i don't want him to feel lonely.
*
look at the sad sap:

*

boy, it's hard being a mom.

*

...and my oldest baby, my neena, who's now 18,

is going to the vet today for the first time in years,

and

i'm afraid of what the vet might tell us about her.

{{deep sigh}}

*

God bless all my babies, and

all the babies of the world, and

the mommies and daddies who have way too much love for them.

*

aye yai yai!

*

Happy Wednesday...

...2 more days, *south*fla*...

*look what we found**ahhhh!*

oh boy.

**

**

yesterday morning,

after my jog,

i arrived home

to see

two little kittens

huddled up in the corner of my yard.

*

now, i've been seeing kittens for the past three days all

around my house, my neighbor's house, the neighbor's neighbor's house...

*

we've had a *stray cat* problem

for about two years now:

they eat and crap and eat,

they mate,

a batch of new kittens are born,

they eat and crap and eat,

and mate,

and a batch of new kittens are born.

*

craziness.

*

of the two kittens i saw yesterday morning,

i only caught one.

the other one scampered away.

*

good thing i caught it too,

because the neighbors that

live behind us said

they captured the mom, who had a tumor,

and the vet had to put her to sleep.

*

when i stumbled upon this little guy

yesterday after my jog,

he was exhausted

and hungry.

*

*

we didn't know if the baby

was a boy or girl.

*

when we took it to the vet for a check up,

the vet said,

"i'm 85% sure it's a boy.

in a few weeks i can tell for sure."
so...

...we decided to call 'him'

Alejandro.

why not?

[we've been singing it to him all day]

**

**

little Alejandro [4-6 weeks old] sleepity sleeping

**

**

my little neena pie, Dinah [18 years old] sleepity sleeping, too

**

**

neena & Ale look like momma and baby, but aren't.

i'm not supposed to put them near each other because

of the cat-diseases the little guy might have.

*

Ale has a black nose and BLUE eyes.

Dinah has a pink nose and ORANGE eyes.

*

oh, he's cute.

*

i tired to upload a video the boyf

made of little Alejandro,

but Blogger took wayyy too long...

...ALL MORNING!!

*

so,

just decided to 'PUBLISH POST' anyway.

**

**

**

**

**

**

**

**

**

oh, boy.

**

**

**

you'll

never

guess

what

i

found

this

morning.

**

**

**

Alejandro's

brother or sister:

Ahhhhhhhh!!!

same shaped face, but pink nose.

oh. my. goodness.

i did not wake up this morning thinking it was going to be a day with *two kittens* in my life!!

**

**

What more surprises are in store for the rest of the day??

a gift poem

a gift poem is a short, one- or two-line poem for friends and family members that reveals why they are special to you, and in the process, demonstrates a simile or metaphor.

* * *

gift poem 5
by me
*
My cat is a black and white ball of meows and head-butts and fish breath and kitty litter clay claws all up on my comforter;
You might think this unappealing, but I can’t get enough of her.

Happy Last Tuesday of April.

[*hugs*]

*bike adventure* on 4/01

hey,

reader,

my love.

'twas

sunny

on

Thursday.

the boyf had off of work, &

i was on

*spring break.*

the only thing i wanted to do:

bike!!

******************************
Here's some photos of our *bike adventure* that day:

*

*

the boyf felt compelled to clean my bike.
so, i let 'im.

he even flossed my bike.

weirdo.

[notice how clean his shoes are...just notice.]

*

*

i took some pics of the neena-pie in the sun, in the grass,

OR

the lioness in da jungle
*

*

this was our snack before departing on our adventure

*

*

my view of the handlebars.

[i've seen this pic taken so many times,

but it excites me that this is my personal version. tee hee!]

*

*

it started as a bike-trail day.

we usually street-ride, but we stumbled upon

this trail 5 minutes from my house, & had to try it out.

*

*

i'm picking up speed.

bike shadow!

*

*

haa haa!!

he fell right in that mud behind him there.

he's supposed to be all 'profesh' and Mr. BikerExtraordinare.

yet he couldn't handle a sharp turn!

i was dying!

[notice how not-clean-anymore his shoes are!!]

bwah haa haa!
*

*

his bike, my bike.

we stopped at a park so he could wipe himself off.

*

*

dirty sneak.

[haa haa haa!]

*

*

wet, muddy sock = damp foot!

wipey wipey wipey!

*
*

oh my!

look at those

Miss Piggy pork-fried dumpling legs!!

[at least they help me pedal strong, right??]

[that's what I'll keep tellin' myself.]
*

*

this is how happy happy happy i am on my bike.

*

*

this shot is of my

Little Mermaid 'Ariel' pose.

i call it that because it reminds me of

when Ariel does this:

"...I don't know when...

...I don't know how...

...but I know something's starting right nowwww...
watch and you'll see,

someday I'll be

part of that woooorrrrllllddd!"

*

*

i saw Mister Softee & a girl's gotta stop.

*

*

exactly what i wanted.

*

*

spring trees & ice cream

*

*

his snack was Gatorade.

*

*

what made up his afternoon.

time to go home & get him changed!

*
*

the globe @ Flushing Meadows Park

******************************

it was such a nice time. thanks for viewing.

Happy Saturday, all!!