*please PRESS...*

*PLAY*

********************************************

*

bike under the tree? moped? Mmmmm...wish list...

follow along with the lyrics:
12.2010
bring with you love and peace and solace and calm
and not too much snow, 'kay?
***********
***********
Dec time
*black sequins*
all of the above, please.
hot chocolate drink described below is magical

...and those last few words...yes, please.

happy deCemBeR daY-One

a letter on this Tuesday

my neena,

it's been a whole month without you already.

i miss you as much as i did the day we lost you.

i hope you are in heaven with Teddy,

and you understand how much i love the both of you.

i'm sure you are told *our*story* whenever you

need to hear it. i remind myself of it often.

the *babies* are doing fine, as you probably already noticed.

they are so different than you were, but i am

so grateful to be blessed with them, for they make

me think of you fondly, and make the loss of you,

my first baby girl,

less harsh on my heart.

i wish you warm sunny days,

lazy naps on grassy green fields,

and

liver and whole milk for breakfast

up in heaven.

***

thank you for loving me.

thank you for teaching me how to care for someone unconditionally.

thank you for giving me responsibility.

thank you for the laughs.

thank you for being the first thing in sight every morning of high school.

thank you for being my cat.

***

one day, i'll be able to hold you again.

***

i miss you

and

love you

always.

***

love,

your mommy

outfit for *kindergarten*

it's been grey.

gloomy.

rainy.

sad. cold.

last week was the week after she left us,

after we had to put her to sleep.

***

it's amazing, though, the signs God lets you

see on those grey, dull, ordinary nothing mornings

to let you know she's okay:

i miss her so much. last week i cried every day.
cats are everywhere around this school i've been subbing in.
weird coincidence?
i lost my cat of 18 years,
subbed in the kindergarten from hell [they were cute, though],
caught a cold that ruined my W-Th-F...
...let me tell you,
a happy-print dress was in order.
***
this is outside the school,
on my lunch break.
this was first sun i saw all week.
i wrote her a letter.

***

i feel much better this week, physically and emotionally.

hopefully that all doesn't go to shit after i waitress 'til late tonight, sub early tomorrow morn, waitress 'til late tomorrow night, sub early Wednesday morn, and waitress 'til late Wednesday night...

...i might have to give that fuckin' restaurant my two weeks notice, before i burnout.

oh yeah, and bullshit research-writing-thesis paper homework due Thurs.

don't know when i'll get to it.

somebody help me.

*cat*heaven*

[alejandro with the book]

Cat Heaven

*

the story behind it goes as follows:

i stumbled upon this book in the picture book section

of a public library i was visiting last year,

and

always had it in my mind because of how old

my cat, Dinah, was.

I sat on the floor, legs crossed,

turning the pages,

tearing, imagining reading this at a time when

i knew i'd no longer be able to squeeze her,

hold her,

hug her,

smooch her,

and it made me really sad.

*

that was about a year ago.

*

...and this is now.

now she is gone.

it happened one week ago, today,

and

thinking of it

still makes me sad as ever.

*

i miss her so much.

*

i bought this book this week, and

i open it when i need to let go of some of the pent-up emotions.

***

here's

some pages from it:

***
***
***
this page gets me every time:

{{tear, tear}}

***

to imagine her like this,

sitting on a cloud...

***

i recommend it to anyone who's lost the cat-love of their life.

it's a good gift along with a sympathy card to anyone you know who's lost the cat-love of their life.

there's also a Dog Heaven book, but i never read that one.

*******************

thinking of my Dinah

on this *saturday*...

the one thing to paint is the one thing on your mind

yesterday night

sister & i painted pumpkins.

*

there was only one thing i wanted to paint:

me & all *three* of *my*babies*

*

i'm really so proud of it.

*

*

you have Alejandro,

my little *mama's boy*::

***

crazy Carmen,

and her *infamous*goofball*face*::

***

...and finally,

by beloved *neena*girl*, my Dinah,

who i lost last weekend::

[i think i might want to paint a halo over her head.

what do you think??]

*

sorry that i've been m.i.a. from my blog,

but yesterday was the first day since saturday,

when we lost her,

that i didn't cry.

*

i've been taking it really slow, and really hard.

*

thank you for your patience with me, common passer-byers of my blog.

*

check out the *before* sketch::

i got the idea from this image that i googled.

***

[the faces, however, were all customized by me]
***

***

***

***

more

that

made up

my

yesterday

was:

a snoozing-snoozing Carmen,

that i took a cue from

in the form of two naps over an hour long.

[my cold's been demanding this of me]

{{cough,cough, sniff}}
***

***

oh, and because we both had off,

and

i was not feeling to hot,

the boyf made me soup [we call it 'zoop']

plenty of veggies,
the boyf loves a good zoop

don't forget the nooooooooodles

***

zoop&tea // tea&zoop

these have been my drugs of choice during my time of achy body-achy spirit.

***

thanks for reading.

Friday.

a slight change of tune

my last two posts

were

"scheduled" posts,

but what this

past weekend brought with it

was hardly singing the

same light-hearted

tune.

***

we put my cat,

my first-ever baby girl,

my neena, Dinah,

to sleep Saturday night.

unexpectedly.

***

it's been really hard for me to take,

and

i miss her so much.

***

more on this to come,

but

as of now,

on this

rainy,

dreary,

New York Monday

I've got *my*girl* trotting in the Spring sun on my mind:

i miss you so much.